#MG3 #.500 #UGH

                           View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: #MG3 #.500 #UGH

 

Started to write this Friday, but held off because of circumstances not beneficial to the Phillies. The later it gets this afternoon the worst I get. Thurs night was to me a plateau to be conquered: over .500 finally and look out NL East. Nats behind us and ATL playing like bleh, couldn't ask for much more. Then comes the weekend...

 

Why is it that since 2008 we can't beat MIL consistently? Why do players like Aoki and Lucroy look like world killers? Why do our outfielders choke like a baby who swallowed a penny when anybody with speed is on base against them? Ok this last sentence I take back. Our outfield sucks, no range and no arms. I have no fix for this now or in the minors. Do I know what it takes? Yes, get rid of Howard's salary and I'll find us a competent outfield.

MVP Candidate

 

I had high hopes for the bats. Hitting is contagious and it started to spread until Friday. Between bats dying and Chollie's bizarre lineups I'm losing my anticipation for this season slowly but surely. Try as I might there are no bright spots or silver linings day to day like existed a week ago. Kratz gets hurt, Stutes forgets how to pitch, dead bats(save Brown, who has slowed down a tad), Howard(who won't listen to my advice... his loss) becoming a zero threat,  lack of a leadoff hitter(thanks Chollie) which leads to Revere hitting 2nd, no wonder I sleep like shit at night and smoke more than I used to. For a week that started out so full of promise and blew up like a car driven by John McClane what else could a sane person think?

 

It saddens me to have to write like this, but if you think about it I'm just following performance on the field. There's no longer much room for witty or funny commentary, because I take my baseball seriously. I believe last week was make or break for this season. Won 6 in a row, over .500 and ahead of the Gnats(lmao) and in position to decide their destiny. So we go 0-3 and look like shit doing it and lose players. Momentum gone, having fun during games gone, bullpen rallying like a drowning life guard. The optimists will say there's a lot of season left, but not enough to take charge and be a force. So with heavy heart I'm going to piss off DGirl, Robin, and a few others. It's time to sell starting with Utley, if he can come back to serviceable like the beginning of the season. There'll be plenty of interest in him and he should bring some decent future player(s) that will contribute. The Michael Young experiment started out great, but now he looks like an older veteran that can help certain teams in certain situations. Kratz and Chooch love them, but serviceable pieces to certain teams in the right situations. Since I can't get 2 weeks with Howard to straighten him out get whatever you can for him, even carrying half his salary this year and next. Brown and Mayberry get stays right now. Galvis will be Valdez for the next few years. Doesn't leave much, does it?

 

Of course everything depends on if/who goes and what we get back. I'm saying get used to the fact that the core of the last 6 seasons aren't what they used to be. I purposely left off pitching because I think with the right replacements we won't be that bad off. I honestly think Halladay is going to prove all naysayers wrong and be a beast again for a couple more years. That man doesn't know how to lose, or go down without a fight. Cliff, Cole, Kendrick, even Pettibone can be formidable. When the Phils clean house on the coaching staff and Sandberg takes over with a new pitching coach, who knows what may happen? Ryno in less than 2 seasons took the Iron Pigs from laughing stock to the top of the league, even with tons of callups. There's no reason to lose it, this is called evolution. Luckily we have the right man in place. If only Chollie will bow out gracefully... but that's another problem for another time.

 

And lastly #MG3... I had a damn good time. Kudos to Wriz and staff for the choice of sections with covered parking and location. Plenty of beer and food if you knew where to look. Plenty of good company. Was definitely worth the 2500 mile trip, even though it was the secondary reason lol.  ;)  Was great to meet all the Bunters, and tshirts were flying all over. Hopefully I get to do it again next year, even though it's my family's turn to come out west. No matter what next April or May I'll be at Chase Field in my Richie Ashburn throwback jersey rooting for my Phils. Since coming back from Dallas I'm still undefeated in games I attend against the Dbacks. But for anything written above management has the last say. I only wish I could get someone's ear who mattered for 5 minutes.

 

Let's get Bunted, looking forward to 2015 and the new regime.

 

                                Bill S aka/netfather

 

 

MG3 Recap

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
MG3 Recap

PHILLIES BUNTS BOARD OF TRUSTEES

Once again another Meet & Greet hosted by Phillies Bunts Inc. has come and gone.  And as promised it was bigger & better than ever.  It was nice to see some old faces as well as meet new acquaintances.  Meeting Netfather Bill was cool and seeing the extra Bunts shirts Wriz brought ‘fly off the shelves’ was overwhelming (we are printing more peeps)!  Of course, many road sodas were consumed which is always good and the Phils did come thru with the ‘W.’

However, this blessed event wasn’t all ‘hugs & kisses’ bro.  I should have known something was amiss when the first thing Wriz said to me was ‘hey did you lose weight.’  Then he proceeded to tell me in his best Chris Tucker voice ‘I’m gonna get you high today.’  I got 3 kids bro…I don’t put that stuff in my temple of a body.  Little did I know that he wasn’t trying to get me stoned, but elevate me into the Thermosphere (Google it!).  Watching a game at 50,000 feet is no easy task ie nosebleeds, ducking for air planes and getting kites stuck in your cheesesteaks are only some of the issues me and my NEPA Posse had to endure.  Now, when I was a young lad, my mom used to tell me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say then blog about it.  So, since I am a ‘momma’s boy’ I’m going to do just that:

10 Worst things about Meet & Greet III

10.  My boy Nick rolling in with a cooler full of adult beverages and no opener.  Good thing Timmy ‘I’m gonna pop some caps’ G. came thru.
9.  My boy Aaron insisting we didn’t need a GPS on our way down and getting lost 3 times.  Mapquest is the MySpace of navigation kid.
8.  Not enough ‘Bunts shirts to go around.  More people need to get ‘Bunted on a regular.
7.  The makeshift DJ giving us a choice between Billy Joel or Jimmy Buffet.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m Billy Joel down…he’s an honorary Beastie Boy for God’s sake.  But it’s tough getting your ‘game face’ on to Uptown Girl.  How ‘bout some Wu Tang son?
6.  The female photog who took pix of me either with my head cut off or stuffing my face with a fat Pat’s.  Nobody wants to see that!
5.  Sexpanther’s Wilt’s ‘Something or other Lehigh’ Beer.  It tasted like pickle juice bro.  High School kids wouldn’t drink that swill.
4.  I offered everyone in ear shot some of my suds, but no one returned the favor with a burger or even a hoddog.  If my weight falls under 250 ish could get hectic real quick.  Good thing I was packin some beef jerky.
3.  Wriz’ beard.  Have you seen this thing?  Squirrels wouldn’t nest in that entanglement.
2.  Sitting 4 rows from the top of CB Park while Wriz (and a gang of pigeons eating popcorn out of his beard sat at sea level).  I’m a former BOTY…how quickly we forget!

THE WRIZ WITHOUT HIS BEARD!

1.  DB29 prancing around in his ‘Bunts shirt when he hasn’t written a blog in over a year.  The only thing worse than that was another absence by DiamondGirl.  Netfather Bill could fly half way across the country, but she can’t drive across state?  Really?

At least there wasn’t any oily sausage this year…let’s get ‘bunted!

MG3

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
MG3

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Elvis’ birthday…what do these days have in common?  They all are revered days of reflection deeply sewn into the fabric which is Americana.  Three years ago we added a 4th date to this honor roll.  This Sunday the Phillies Bunts community will gather to reflect on our publication’s successes in an event aptly titled Meet & Greet III:  Netfather Bill’s Revenge.  Parking lot K has become the Mecca for all things Phillies Bunts. There we will partake in oily sausage & brand-x beer frolicking with friends both old and new.  Nor sweltering heat, overpriced parking or the absence of Kurt Wilson will keep the Buntamaniacs away from this most gala of events.  And when it’s all said and done we hope that no one dies of heat exhaustion, high cholesterol and oh yeah, the Phils beat the Brewers.

MEET & GREET III GRAND MARSHALS

Topics that might be discussed on Sunday might include the recent article reporting the disdain big Cholly has for Martinez & Young.  Our skipper feels that RAJ’s moves are weaker than DB29’s knee spin.  This is interesting cuz you know that Martinez will eventually be sent back to Lehigh, but Delmon isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  So is this article legit?  I question the article’s validity because the day it dropped Young started and batted clean-up to boot.  Why would Cholly want to cause any problems in the clubhouse?  And while we’re on the subject of the 4-hole, when is ‘NL Player of the Week’ Dominic Brown going to get his just due?  Move Howard to the 5th spot and let him strike out there.  I know D*Brown’s was going to do well as soon as I dropped him from my fantasy team…it was inevitable yo!

I’ll admit that I rarely pay attention to any games outside of the NL East.  It wasn’t until I saw a tweet by Charlie Hustle himself Pete Rose that I realized how weak this division really is.

 

GET PETEY BOY OFF OF TWITTER AND INTO THE HALL OF FAME!

While we like to focus on the negative (lack of O, bullpen issues, injuries) the truth is we’re still in this.  However, sooner rather than later a team (most likely the Braves) is going to take off.  Splitting with the BoSox is ok, but we need to start winning series and copping sweeps before it’s too late.  Moreover, it’s time for our veterans to start producing the same the newbies are.  See you on Sunday…let’s get ‘bunted!

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Dizamn

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  Dizamn

 

Get out of work early enough to watch Phils/Gnats on Friday. Feels great, no more work for 2 weeks, going home next week. Kendrick pitching, don't even cringe when I hear that now. Catch a solid internet stream with a WASH flavor with NO Wheels or T-Mac. Sounds like paradise right? Well through 5 it's a microcosm of the season. Every time we get near .500 it's bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Kendrick not throwing strikes and the Gnats getting lucky with us only 1 game behind them. Paper Chase out 2 weeks or more with an oblique strain. Phils bring up Mini-Mart. Can I start to cry now?

 

Even MiniMart's family cried when he got recalled

 

Sorry DGirl, Utley has seen his better days and this is his last year as a Phil. Howard is only a shell of his former productive self. He had 2 weeks where he hit close to .400 but now is lucky to make contact again on outside pitches that he used to feed on. Delmon Young is trying but really sucks. Michael Young has settled in to where I expected him to be with less homers. Chooch... DL. Rollins... now an average hitter with average power. Kratz solid behind the plate but shit bat. Revere should be in Reading. Dom Brown I think will improve some but basically he's maxed out on what he can do, he has no arm and slow in the field. I still really like Frandsen and Galvis, just hoping Freddy doesn't get tested again anytime soon. Nix had a run but is now bench fodder and nothing more.

 

The bullpen isn't worth mentioning, even Papelbum makes almost every outing an adventure. Reminds me of Lidge before he went buh bye. My head keeps coming back to the source of the problems, Uncle Chollie. He may own the most wins as the Phils mgr but 90% of that was blind luck. Made moves that the talent was able to back up but that no longer exists. Dube isn't worth a shit. When was the last time anything he said ever helped in game situations? Samuel should take all the $$$ he raped the Phils for and run back to the Dominican. Steve Henderson couldn't hit himself, how can he teach? Sandberg needs to be given the reigns ASAP so he can work his reclamation magic like he did in Lehigh. Ryno, pick me for batting coach if you want real results. Sorry, had to lol.

 

Netfather can do a better job than this guy

After everything above, only 2 games below .500(yes Fri down the tubes) and only 5.5 out of first. What does that tell you about the NL East? Let's say it all together boys and girls... NL East SUCKS.  Who knows, maybe by next week at the Meet'N'Greet, shit will turn around. And maybe I'll give birth to triplets too. So my prophecy for 2013 is SELL, anybody for whatever you can get. Who knows, maybe if they do they'll be competitive sometime in my lifetime. The time for serendipity for the past is gone. But what really pisses me off is I have the feeling RAJ may yet think this core can still do something. I have one last thing to say... Pat Gillick *please* come back for 2 years or so and steady the ship.

 

As of today, 5/24, my flight hasn't been cancelled yet lmao. Why am I laughing my flight is 5 days away. DOH. Hoping to see you all in Lot K on 6/2.

 

 

                Bill S aka/netfather
 

Welcome Back

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
Welcome Back

There’s been a lot of buzz on the internets in the past 24 hours about Chase Utley’s injury, but more so about his replacement on the roster.  Unfan favorite, Michael Martinez bka Mini-Mart, has been added to the roster much to the chagrin of my fellow ‘Buntamaniacs.  How much time Martinez will see most likely depends on how well Galvis does.  Both are great defenders, but Galvis’ bat is hit & miss and we all know Martinez’ steez.  Mini-Mart’s offense is about as shaky as the new Michael J Fox Show.  Why he was called up yesterday will forever remain a mystery. But like Pam Anderson’s Hep-C, he’s not going away anytime soon.  So, instead of whining like a b*tch, I’ve decided to welcome Martinez with open arms in a little parody once crooned by the great John Sebastian. It was this tune that became synonymous with John Travolta and eventually became the best thing to happen to him second only to gay ‘happy endings.’  So like it or not….welcome back.


Welcome back,
Utley’s oblique was your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To CB Park where the fans laughed about.

Some of the names have all changed since you hung around,
While our World Series dreams fade as you swung around.

Who'd have thought they'd bring ya (Who'd have thought they'd bring ya)
Up from Lehigh, we don’t need ya (Here, we don’t need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome Back Mini-Mart Cast:

RAJ as Woodman:

Mini-Mart as Mr. Kotter:

Freddy Galvis as Juan Epstein:

Ryan Howard as Freddie ‘No BOOM BOOM’ Washington:

Cole Hamels as Arnold Horshack

Netfather Bill as Vinnie Barbarino

Howie (does not go) Long

Hoodwink’d        by  cj hood         
Howie (does not go) Long                   

The Wriz recently texted me and asked me if I was still down with the B-Team…like there was any doubt.  I’d never go the way of DB, Kornhole and Diamond Girl.  I’m a ‘Bunter for life.  I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that I was leaving my legions of ‘Buntamaniacs (and/or Robin) starvin’ like Marvin’ for a Hoodwink’d blog.  So, here I is…back at the azz like Preparation-H.  Now prepare yourself to be put on blast!!!

 

RODNEY DANGERFIELD NEVER HAD TO EXPLAIN HIS JOKES!

FYI fellow ‘Buntamaniacs…when you see a disparaging post on Spacebook about Ryan Howard (or as my wife calls him Ron Howard) I’m the one that most likely posted it…so chew on that!  And while you’re busy dissing me on my sarcasm or lack thereof, keep in mind that your boy Howard bka Lil Opie Cunningham has the 5th most strikeouts in MLB.  That’s your clean-up hitter kids and this ish is mad weak!  Sarge called his swing pathetic when they got thumped by the Marlins 14-2 and later went on to say that ‘he’s in a slump’ during the current series with the Indians.  So stop boo hooing at the H-Double…numbers don’t lie bro!  He hit a game winning double in Arizona and half of Philly became semi-flaccid…that’s sad.  Again, he’s got a fat contract and hitting in the 4-hole…a game winning double should be the least we should expect.  He has no business batting clean-up, drop his ass to 6 or 7.  I hope we don’t end up selling in July, but I think it’s inevitable.  However, one thing is for sure….you’re boy Howie will be a Phightan for many years to come due to RAJ’s open check book.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy on a personal level (#nohomo), but Paper Lace (Google it) cranked out more hits ‘mang!  Show some pride Philadelphia…better yet recognize my award winning (BOTY ’11) sarcasm and gut busting wit:

 

 

I HAVE MORE FAITH IN THIS GUY IN THE 4-HOLE!

 

Now that I’m done putting my peeps on blast (I still love you ‘Buntamaniacs!) It’s time to focus on the positives.  We went out West and were more successful than DB29 was when he tried to be a soft porn actor (all his movies were very tasteful) (he doesn’t even read this blog anymore so who cares).  Frandsen, Brown and even Mayberrys’ bats are getting hot!  Pettibone’s making Halladay look like Hamels via Qualls.  We’re slowly clawing our way up the NL East standings. And last, but definitely not the leastest, the oily sausage is almost done pickling just in time for Meet & Greet III:  Netfather Strikes Back!  I’m looking forward to seeing my fellow bloggers (all 2 of them) including the Wriz’ shitty beard and riding around the K lot on Bill’s Segway.  Hopefully it stays dry and the Phils get the W…let’s get ‘bunted!

Semi-Phantastic Auction

 

 

If you’re reading this blog, you must have heard about the Phantasic Auction the Phillies are running. Basically, they put together a whole mess of items to bid on to support Phillies Charities Inc. Some of the great packages include a golf foursome with Phillies legend Mike Schmidt, lunch with Charlie Manuel, and trips to Wrigley, Detroit and Clearwater.

But you’re not reading this blog to find out about something you can just look up on Phillies.com. You’re here for hard hitting journalism and shit like that. So the Wriz went deep undercover to find out the things that didn’t make the cut.

Drinks with LA: Unless Warren Buffet loves the Phillies Radio broadcast, no one has enough to cover that tab.

Lunch with T-Mac: There were obvious concerns about the tab, but the reason it was scratched was the last time T-Mac went to lunch with a fan; the fan came out of it looking like Jim Abbot over the last pork chop.

Bird Watching with Mick Billmeyer: He doesn’t know a clay colored robin from Batman’s sidekick.  Apparently, he was just checking about broads with those binoculars.

 

A Fantasy baseball league with Ruben Amaro Jr.:  RAJ was so gung-ho on this idea. 11 spots at $500 plus a pop. That’s serious coin for charity. Then he heard it was a keeper league and bagged the idea because he doesn’t know shit about planning for next year.

Hitting Clinic with Ben Revere: The Phillies became worried the fan that won would be too busy getting autographs and checking out the Phillies locker room and  they’d forget to teach Ben how to hit.

A night in the Bullpen: No fan could stomach the stench. It stinks there.

Trip to the Barber with Wheels: This guy I was sitting near last night already won.

 

A private tour of the Majestic Store: Just show up. That place, once a zoo, has more employees than shoppers on a weekday game.

A night on the Town with Jonathan Papelbon: The Wriz was so gonna bid on this, but asked when he was going to do with the winner Paps said “Now I got backup, we’re gonna get our guns back from Obama.”

Golf foursome with Lenny Dykstra: He’s not a legend and he’s not due for a parole hearing.

A spot on the 40 man roster: When word got to RAJ that Jesse Biddle planned on using his signing bonus to win it. Raj pulled the plug and said he needed another 4 years in the minors.

Vocabulary lesson with Charlie Manuel: It ad been good and stuff like that.

Chess & Checkers Strategy lesson with Charlie Manuel: It fell through when everyone realized he could only make one move at a time and hope for the best.

Invites to Phillies Bunts Meet & Greet 3: The Wriz invites everybody. Show up June 2^nd. K-lot.

Throw batting practice: Chad Durbin already has that job.

Learn a change-up from Rich Dubee: No clue why this got cancelled. He can teach anyone a sick change. Of course that’s all he’s good for.

I also heard those Mexican dudes with the huge batting helmets tried to put them in the auction but Polanco confiscated his game used merchandise.

Theres still a few hours left on some of the auctions. The private hitting clinic with Chase is up over five grand. No idea how DiamondGirl is going to afford that.

See ya at the Ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Shoulda had a "Make a video with the Twins" auction.
CHA-CHING!